You’re six years old. After a day of school where you did your best to hold still, listen to adults, and cooperate with the other kids, your emotions are a bit wiry. Everything feels upsetting, and you don’t know why. You don’t know why the suggestion of an apple instead of an orange brings tears to your eyes, or why your baby brother’s breathing is so annoying. You didn’t sleep well the night before, and class today had indoor recess, removing your opportunity for fresh air and movement. But you’re six, so you’re not analyzing the day for the cause of your temperament.
Feelings are something we experience, with or without the language, skills, and reflection to understand and work through them. The language of feeling is something we’re taught. However, today is not going to be a day of learning. Your parents need to get dinner on the table, and they don’t have spare time to teach you about naming your feelings, or breathing through the big ones that make you feel like an explosion waiting to happen. They can’t even let you go outside and play, because they would have to keep an eye on you– your backyard isn’t fenced in, and it’s not worth the risk.
What they do have is a tablet and a set of headphones. With these, they’re guaranteed a few minutes where you, small child, are completely tuned out of the world, silent, like a grow-along pacifier.
Unfortunately, these evenings of stunted emotional growth are adding up. Instead of processing your emotions, your brain put them on hold while you were plugged in, so when bath time comes around, they come crashing down tenfold. Now, you’re more irritable, because even more emotions are pressing at you, and they need a release. Without the words to understand and process these feelings, you, little one, ride a wave of exhaustion dressed as anger into a churning sea with no bubbles at bathtime. When you’re in bed, your parents will wonder at how people did it without screens back in the day.
Screen time is a concern for parents everywhere. It disrupts sleep, is correlated with obesity, and is correlated with emotional dysregulation, which all have long term effects on children’s wellbeing and emotional capacity, namely decreasing empathy and increasing emotional reactivity.
Researchers have been studying the effects of screen time on children, and there are a few metrics that the literature agrees on to reduce the negative side effects associated with screens. First and foremost: volume. There is no way to curb the effects of screen time without managing the volume by which we consume digital media.
As parents, it is vital to set screen time limits based on what your child needs. Some children are more sensitive to screen time than others, and may need more limitations than others. One way to naturally reduce screen time usage is through prioritizing other activities, like sports, art, music, and community gatherings.
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) created these guidelines for media use:
- Babies and toddlers up to 18 months: Babies should avoid the use of screens, except video chatting with family members and family friends.
- 18-24 months: Toddlers should generally not have screen time, but parents and caregivers can spend some time on screens – like watching educational programs – with their toddler.
- 2-5 years old: It’s recommended that kids ages 2-5 have no more than 1 hour a day of screen time.
- Kids and teens 5-18 years: Parents should find what media limits work best for their kids. Consider things like their age, health and personality. The media should not take the place of enough sleep or being physically active.
Anya Kamentez, author and journalist, advocates for the second, and equally important, way to measure screen time. Interaction is the second metric by which screen time can be measured. When using screens, quality matters just as much as quantity. Connection through screen time, and modeling what healthy screen time looks like, is a way to introduce screens to children without mitigating connection. This is also a way to encourage imaginative play, expanding children’s schemas by exposure to new characters and ideas. For older kids and teens, playing video games or making dances with your children instead of fighting to remove them altogether creates togetherness instead of turbulence.
What we know is this: The screens aren’t going anywhere. They’re woven into the fabric of modern life, offering convenience, distraction, and even connection. The key lies in balance—setting clear limits based on age and sensitivity, while ensuring screens never impede on the essentials: sleep, physical activity, and face-to-face connection. For young children, even small reductions in screen time can yield big benefits, from better emotional regulation to improved focus and empathy.
Start by replacing just one routine screen session a day with an alternative—whether it’s a family walk, a storytelling session, or a hands-on activity like drawing or building. Over time, these small shifts add up, helping your child build the emotional tools they need to thrive. The goal isn’t perfection, but progress: creating space for the quiet moments that foster resilience, creativity, and connection. Your child’s well-being, and your peace of mind, are worth it.
